Today, I am going to convince you to start dressing well. If not well, at least better. If, at the end of this article, I have convinced you to give it a try, be sure to leave a comment and stay tuned for Part 2, where the fun really begins.
Let me start this off by saying: I am not an expert. My degree is in Economics, which should make any sane person question my fashion advice. In my experience, this should make me more likely to wear a pocket protector and less likely to care that my socks don’t match.
However, as much as I love numbers, spreadsheets, and quantitative easing, I also love beautiful things. Things like gardens and literature and fashion. And as a recently minted clothing designer and lifelong clothing connoisseur, I have spent years honing in on what clothes looks best on me, and I feel very confident I am about 95-98% of the way to nailing down my ideal aesthetic. I have also helped many friends and family members find their style and help them figure out what they look best in (only when asked, of course… well, mostly only when asked). I passionately believe clothing can change the way you perceive yourself and the way others perceive you, and knowing how to dress well should be a requirement for every human to graduate into adulthood.
"There is no secret formula only a few, insanely fashionable people are allowed to possess."
I also believe style is not rocket science. There is no secret formula only a few, insanely fashionable people are allowed to possess. It’s as simple as understanding your body shape, your color palette, and your lifestyle to create your unique aesthetic.
If you are reading this, you are probably either
1) someone like me who is already confident in how to dress yourself and you just really enjoy reading style blogs, or
2) you lack a bit of confidence on how best to present yourself to the world and are looking for guidance.
To both of you, welcome. I am confident you will walk away having learned something from this series, regardless of where you are in your style journey.
The first question to answer is: Why should you care? Does how you dress even matter?
"Clothing tells a story. Clothing tells your story. Whether you like it or not, you are already telling a story with how you present yourself to others."
As someone who has focused a significant amount of brain power and time putting together endless outfit combinations (arguably too much time…), I am convinced there is value in how we present ourselves to the world, both extrinsically and intrinsically. Even Mother Theresa’s clothing told a story. Hers was one of humility, service and simplicity; all traits I admire. Now picture her in a Chanel suit and Louboutin’s. It completely changes how we perceive her.
Clothing tells a story. Clothing tells your story. Whether you like it or not, you are already telling a story with how you present yourself to others. The real question is whether or not you agree with the story.
When you think of Sherlock Holmes, the inimitable literary detective, how do you picture him? I see him in a top hat and an overcoat in a serious color like gray or brown or black. It paints a different picture to think of him in dirty, rolled up shirt sleeves, a bowler hat, and a butcher’s apron. It detracts from his fastidious attention to detail and paints him more as the “everyman” instead of a genius detective.
There is a reason Steve Jobs wore a black turtleneck, jeans, and tennis shoes every day. Those clothes told a story. One of restraint and single-minded dedication to his company, so much so that it let the audience know he couldn’t even be bothered to spend five minutes picking out a different outfit. Even when he made it big and could afford the best stylist in the world, he still chose to dress like an ascetic, someone who denies excess.
I have heard the saying “no bride looks plain on her wedding day”, and, in my experience, it holds true. It’s not just the extra time spent on make-up and hair; it is impacted by what she is wearing. A wedding dress is an outfit many women have spent years considering. We try on multiple different dresses over a series of weeks or even months. We seek out friends’ opinions. And once the dress is chosen, we go through multiple fittings to ensure it is tailored to perfection.
I see you rolling your eyes. Wedding dresses are (kinda) a once in a lifetime outfit. Of course we would spend months making it exceptional.
True. I agree with you.
"Mr. Darcy in linen madras shorts and a bucket hat intently staring at Elizabeth Bennet from across the room makes me want to ensure he doesn't follow her home..."
But, it does support the hypothesis that spending time on your appearance can increase your confidence. On my wedding day, I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. I wasn’t, but no one could have convinced me otherwise. I do not have the same confidence every day as I did that day, but I do sense a lift when I spend time choosing my outfit for the day and making myself presentable. There is a reason the Oscars have a category for Best Costume Design. Wardrobe helps define the characters. Mr. Darcy in linen madras shorts and a bucket hat intently staring at Elizabeth Bennet from across the room makes me want to ensure he doesn’t follow her home, not root for their love story.
I have also found what I am wearing changes my behavior. A great example is when I ran into the same acquaintance twice in one week. On the first day, I hadn’t slept well. My hair was thrown up on top of my head, there was no time for makeup, and I was wearing oversized jeans and a shapeless sweatshirt. To say I really did not want to see anyone I knew was an understatement. But as the fates would have it, I ran into this acquaintance at self-checkout and immediately felt self-conscious. She was as lovely and kind as ever, and I was crawling in my skin, willing the conversation to be over with so I could go hide in my car. Afterwards, I felt ashamed that I let how I looked determine my interest in our conversation.
A few days later, I ran into her at school pick-up. I had just come from a marketing meeting, so I was feeling and looking much more myself. Immediately, I was more interested in talking with her and catching up. Her behavior was the same in both instances: warm, inviting, non-judgmental. It was my inner confidence which had changed because of my outward appearance.
"Clothing is not just about being seen. It is about deciding who you are before anyone else does."
You may be thinking: get a grip, girl. You care too much what others think about you. You are not wrong. I do care. If that bothers you, I understand. The studies finding 96% of women report what they wear affects their mood and self-confidence confirm I am not alone. To the remaining 4% of you, mazel tov, and I wish you all the best in your Crocs and 1996 Dumbo Anniversary sweatshirt.
Clothing is not just about being seen. It is about deciding who you are before anyone else does.
If you still aren’t convinced, here some of the ways clothing impacts our daily life, backed by research:
- How you dress tells your brain how you plan on showing up for the day. Getting dressed for the day, spending time and thought on what you will wear, is one of the rare acts in life where we get to control a small part of the narrative. Cleopatra, one of the most powerful female rulers of all time, killed herself wearing “her most beautiful apparel”, while her faithful servant Charmion, who had also taken the poison, spent her last moments righting the diadem placed on the dead queen’s forehead. Think what you may about Cleopatra, she knew how to create a memorable scene. Even in death and shrouded in what was most likely the finest linen dress and yards of pearls, she ensured everyone remembered her spirit was unconquerable.
- Clothing reinforces our identity. What we wear underlines who we believe we are and informs who we want to become. The old adage of “dress for the job you want” has stuck around for a reason. Most things in life are not just one thing. Clothing is not only an external decoration and it is not the only way we form our identity. It is an outward expression of what we believe we are worth.
- Clothing can regulate our mood. Certain outfits reliably shift our mood. One of my best friends is a psychologist specializing in children who have experienced abuse and/or neglect. She has a hard job. When I asked her how she can separate the dark reality she hears from her clients each day to then go home and be a present and wonderful mother, she told me this: “There is a visualization I use. Every time I leave the office, I picture myself taking off my psychologist outfit and putting on my mom outfit. It helps me leave my work at the door.” While she isn’t physically changing her clothing, the effect on her attitude is identical to putting on a different outfit.
- We attach narratives to clothing. Studies have shown clothing influences thoughts and behaviors, not just feelings. The effect is directly tied to the meaning you assign to the clothing. Maybe you attach composure and confidence to your favorite blazer. There is a reason women love wearing their man’s sweatshirt. It reinforces the feelings of safety and comfort they can give us.
- Getting dressed daily is a ritual. Spending time to dress is one of the best ways to convince yourself that today is intentional. There are recent studies showing that structured rituals create a sense of order, even when there is known uncertainty. Even arbitrary rituals improve performance. Habits can reduce cognitive load and create a “ready state” for the brain. If you want to live a more intentional life, I recommend to start with dressing yourself intentionally.
In a world where there are too many ugly things happening, there is so little we can influence. To wear a beautiful outfit is one of the simplest and most accessible ways to make the world a more beautiful place.
So, was I able to convince you to start dressing well? Or at the very least to start dressing better?
Tell me why or why not in the comments below, and stay tuned for Part 2 - The First Step to Dressing Better.
Until next time
EM
